I've struggled to find the words over the past 3 days to describe my deep sorrow watching the events unfold in Israel / Palestine.
I'm heartbroken.
I've always sat on the fence with issues in that region - pro-peace, pro-humanity, condemning the actions of the right wing Israeli government and empathising with the living conditions suffered by Palestinians in Gaza.
But the brutal attack by Hamas on civilians, the killing, raping and capturing young people from a music festival, murdering entire families, taking women and children as prisoners, beheading and burning babies and the widespread terror instilled is just beyond belief.
It is terrifying and unimaginable and feels very personal. I have sobbed, oh how I have sobbed watching the footage of the carnage roll in. I cry for the victims, for their families, for the terror instilled in another generation on both sides, for the trauma, the senseless loss of lives and a sense of bracing for the worst which feels like it is yet to come. It is truly unbelievable.
I keep trying to rationalise to understand the
"other side" - how sad it is that Palestinian people have resorted to violence because they have no other voice or means of liberation.
Jewish settlers also used terrorism to oppose the British colonisers in Palestine pre 1948. We know what it means to be oppressed, it is in our DNA.
But in my eyes, Israel is not a coloniser, nor a concept invented by the British. There is a deep and ancient land connection for the Jewish people. I acknowledge that this is where the irreconcilable difference lies.
Palestinians also have a deep connection to the land, and believe in their right to the entire region.
I pray that we can find a way to coexist, where no child grows up knowing fear or hate.
Sadly, I cannot see a path to this in my lifetime.
lam sad about the implications of this for my own children, who will come to know this heartache that I am experiencing now, because they are Jewish.
A two state solution seems an impossibility when Hamas' stated mission, backed by lran, calls for "the destruction of Israel".
There can never be peace between Israel and Palestine with a terrorist organisation in power that calls for Israels destruction as its foremost goal.
Israel is not blameless here either, settlements continue to grow in the West Bank, occupying additional Palestinian territory.
The settlements are unacceptable and must stop, but there can be no negotiating with this neighbour who will not rest until Israel is destroyed and will go to any means to do this as we have seen from the barbaric acts committed by Hamas terrorists over the past days.
I have sympathy for the living conditions of civilians in Gaza and for those who want to live their life in safety and stability like the rest of us.
It is clear that Hamas has prioritised terrorism rather than developing Palestine and supporting its people. One can see how it is in Hamas' interest to keep Palestinians hungry, unemployed and despondent because a happy and fulfilled population would have no reason to rise up against Israel to fulfil Hamas' stated mission - the destruction of Jews and Israel.
I ask myself the question of why is Hamas not held accountable for the breach of human rights and poor living conditions in Gaza, buying rockets instead of food, building tunnels to infiltrate Israel instead of hospitals? Why is Israel always blamed for this?
And very sadly, I understand the antisemitic undertones underpinning this which are echoed around the world, disguised as pro human rights rallies.
Apart from pushing me off the fence and strengthening my support of Israel, the past fews days have provided a new lens on my Jewish identity.
I have never felt closer to my Jewish community where I found an unexplainable understanding of the ancient trauma that runs through our veins as we've watched on in horror as stories from our history books played out before our eyes - massacres, mass graves, beheadings, torture and humiliation- as the rest of the world has watched on, and stayed silent and justified these atrocities.
For those nations and friends who have reached out and condemned the recent terror attacks and antisemitism - thank you. Your humanity means the world to us.
These have been some of the darkest days I have experienced in my lifetime.
Watching fellow Australians celebrate these most vile terrorist attacks against Jews with fireworks, dancing and parades, followed by a demonstration where protesters chanted "fuck the Jews" on the steps of the Sydney Opera House, and a data breach of website 23andMe resulting in the details of thousands of Ashkenazi Jews posted on the dark web. It's deeply terrifying. Never have I felt so unsafe and so alone.
I don't care where you stand politically on where borders should be drawn or if at all, please reach out to your Jewish friends, ask them how they are and let them know that you care about them.
We are scared.
We are sad.
We are bracing for the worst which is yet to come.
The rampant rise in antisemitism is terrifying and sadly, somewhere deep down it feels inevitable, because this is how it has always been. Maybe this is part of what it means to be Jewish, and that is very sad.
I pray for safety. I pray for peace.